97 1/2 Unsolicited Thoughts

When I graduated from high school, Pete presented me with a little booklet of advice to take with me to college. I think Brian and John will recognize many of these gems as advice that he passed along to them, as well. This book is just one of the many pieces of himself that Pete left behind for the rest of us to cherish, and even if you didn't know him personally, these tidbits—both serious and funny—give a glimpse into the man we loved. And the advice is nearly universal ... except maybe the part about walking like a duck. (Ballet lessons will do that.) Anyway, I thought it was worth sharing, and I have to admit I got quite a shiver when I read No. 97, as Pete references the verse from Corinthians that I ended up reading at his funeral. Just in case we had any doubt that he's winking down at us.

____________

June, 1992

TO: Sarah

NINETY SEVEN AND ONE HALF UNSOLICITED THOUGHTS

FROM: Pete

1. Two phrases to avoid: “I mean” and “You know”.

2. Be friendly to all but allow time to sort out “best friends”.

3. Read the Desiderata a couple times a year.

4. Don’t be afraid to laugh at YOURSELF. It is good medicine.

5. Try to ignore the “whiners” of the world.

6. Before signing up for classes, inquire of upper class students concerning opinions of the best and liveliest professors. If possible choose the teacher over the subject matter. A fine teacher will make a dull subject interesting and a dull teacher will impart his or her dullness to the subject.

7. Keep your own counsel but listen to others. They might be right.

8. Live your life so you enjoy it.

9. Have your friends (or some of them) visit you at home.

10. Bring those friends (all of them will be O.K.) to Spirit Lake for a vacation. Summer is the preferred time for most visitors but ANY time is O.K.

11. Be aware of financial affairs.

12. The workplace is an education unto itself. Do not consider yourself “above” menial tasks. I have often found persons performing such tasks to be much smarter than myself about many things.

13. Enjoy the crowd but don’t always follow it. You have your own character and mind.

14. Learn something about sports. Tennis, skiing and golf will be enjoyable in later life. Some knowledge of football, baseball and basketball will increase your enjoyment as you watch.

15. Learn to play bridge. It is a challenging game and will provide enjoyable social hours with others. Remember…it is only a game.

16. Go to church and spend some time with the Bible. Do not take the name of the Lord in vain. It is often done by way of habit. But it is a bad one.

17. Write letters. At least two a week. Then MAIL them!! The folks at home and others will be pleased. You must write to others if you want to receive mail. Phone calls won’t do it.

18. A pinch of homesickness is to be expected. It is a remembrance of a secure and happy home. It is not a fatal disease.

19. Continue your wonder habit of reading. It promises lifelong enjoyment and learning. Use the library. It will save you money and increase your variety of selection. Become acquainted with librarians. They usually have good suggestions and are generally a smart group of people.

20. Visit some places that are off the beaten path and interstate highways.

21. The U.S.A. is a great place despite many failings. Don’t be ashamed of patriotism for heavens sake; and don’t overlook the good with the “wailers” wail. With reference to the failings try to help with a remedy. It does no good to simply sit in the scorner’s seat. Many have died to make things better.

22. Be part of the political process. It needs you and others such as yourself. Money has become a terribly corrupting influence.

23. Abraham Lincoln is said to have stated that people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. If he didn’t say it, he should have.

24. Approach alcohol VERY carefully. It can cause great grief.

25. Refuse to ride in a car with an intoxicated driver.

26. Read a newspaper each day. Remember reporters and columnists often impart either honestly or slyly their own personal opinions and philosophy (So do I). Know the author before accepting the commentary or “news” as gospel.

27. Cultivate the art of listening.

28. Take some speech courses. Communication is essential and you should learn to do it effectively. Practice before the mirror by speaking to yourself. Watch others for ideas but be yourself. Try to visit rather than preach. I have failed more than once about this. I always remember a couple gals who were top flight debaters at Coe. They licked Iowa U. and other large schools and they used to compliment each other after a debate by telling the other “You climbed right into the sheets with that Judge”.

29. Take time to relax and get some sleep. Even when you think you have no time, take time anyway.

30. Don’t be too critical of others who have not had all this advice. Tolerance, to a limit, is commendable.

31. Don’t be a pious Pearl but stick with your principles. You will be VERY glad upon later reflection.

32. A sharp tongue often cuts its owner.

33. Be yourself among strangers as well as among family.

34. Eat properly. It is a good habit. There are many exceptions. One which comes to mind as this is written is a chocolate milk shake at the Ediner!!

35. Enthusiasm is contagious. So is an air of boredom. The latter is inexcusable.

36. Learn to cook.

37. Don’t pout. It is unbecoming and does no good.

38. Older people will always be grateful for your wonderful smile and sincere attention. Do NOT feign affection.

39. A failure is never final. Nor is a success.

40. Greed is reprehensible. So is bad breath!!

41. Never allow differing political beliefs to interfere with friendships. One side never has all the virtues, much less all the answers.

42. Stay in touch with old friends.

43. Do not, repeat do not come home “all knowing”. It is a bad common disease of college students which leads parents and friends to the conclusion that not much was really learned. Moreover one who “highhats” is really a pain in the ass.

44. Get your eyes and teeth checked on a regular basis. They are nice to have later in life.

45. It is necessary for you to learn so that you may be financially and intellectually independent.

46. Even if a small job, enter a business or profession which you enjoy. Work should be fun as well as world.

47. It would be nice to know another language well enough so that you could communicate in that language.

48. Don’t be hesitant nor afraid to say “NO”.

49. Admit error. The sooner the better.

50. Keep playing the piano for your own enjoyment.

51. Drugs are a terrible danger to our society. Hopefully your generation will be more successful about this blight than we have been.

52. Younger persons often want to follow your footsteps. A somber thought and something to remember.

53. Share conversation, laughs and love with your brothers. They should be “best friends” as the years go by.

54. Contribute more than sympathy to those less fortunate than yourself.

55. Observe traits in others which you most admire. They could be adapted to your own lifestyle.

56. Be kind to animals. They will like you better if you are. So will humans.

57. Appreciate music, art and the theatre. For your information (it may be already surmised by you), this critic considers modern art is mostly a fraud. Compare the old masters. And further that rock music is not music.

58. Be aware your family loves you and is very proud of you. They don’t expect you to be perfect even though they may convey that impression to you. What they really want is for you to exert your best effort for a worthwhile, happy and loving life.

59. Courage is an important character trait. Fear is common to all. How you cope with it is the most important thing.

60. At this point (assuming you have read this far) it probably would be a fine idea to stop for a while. I don’t want you to choke by swallowing too much.

61. You are free to share this little book but remember it is written for you.

62. College professors usually have political and personal views which they are inclined to include in their lectures. Do not conclude those gems are absolute wisdom. Also do not totally ignore. Keep an open mind but remember that you have right to your own opinions which you are free to change from time to time.

63. I wrote these thoughts in longhand before this typing. It was done while watching a lovely sunrise. That puts things in fine perspective. So I suggest that you watch a sunrise (or sunset) now and then without other encroaching matters.

64. Loyalty is a wonderful virtue, but blind loyalty is not.

65. Some endeavors are bound to fail. It is often better to strive and fail than to fail for lack of trying. Churchill is said to have given a graduation speech in nine words. He arose, glowered to his left with the words “Never give up.” Then to the right, “Never give up”; and finally to the graduates “Never give up.” Then he sat down.

66. Laugh-laugh-laugh. At life, at yourself, for fun and for your digestion.

67. Share your college experiences with your family. Be aware your parents and grandparents will be much more anxious to hear about them than you might be to continuously impart the information. Do your best.

68. Good matters are NEVER out of place and are a reflection of yourself. Cultivate them not as a snob or use in a snobbish manner. They should be a courteous way of life.

69. Go for a manicure now and then. Or do some other out of the ordinary just for the hell of it.

70. I would much prefer that you not do what this writer has often done but rather what he writes!!

71. Excuses-excuses-excuses should not be a way of life. Avoid them.

72. Money is important but should never be the most important. It is to be used for charity, necessities, security and enjoyment. The love of money for its own sake is indeed a root of evil.

73. Go on picnics but be a bit wary of college picnics. Sometimes they forget the food!!

74. If feasible, buy a comfortable chair for your room. It makes studying much more pleasant. One with an arm for writing will be the best.

75. Stay physically fit. You will feel better and it will also help your mental state. A bit off the track but one way to stay physically in one piece is to buckle up.

76. If you borrow money, pay it back promptly. It really is not a good idea to borrow from, nor loan to, a friend. At least not very much. This has resulted many times in loss of the money as well as the friendship. An old saying, but unfortunately, it is true.

77. Don’t be afraid to be adventuresome. Just don’t be a fool about it. Watch out for your safety and security. It isn’t always a nice world out there. Also watch out for the “rotters” as the old saying goes.

78. Trustworthiness is another priceless character trait.

79. Don’t use too much makeup or perfume. A smidgen should suffice.

80. Don’t walk like a duck!!

81. Don’t be shy about asking your Mom and Dad for advice. You should. They have been there, believe it or not.

82. Appreciate but don’t covet material things. Do I repeat myself? Probably, but it is worth repeating.

83. Take a good radio and record player for your room. Don’t try to play it as loud as possible. Particularly if your roommate objects or I come to visit. Maybe you should get some of those ear phones.

84. The words “got” and “gotta” might well be eliminated from your spoken and written usage. This, in spite of Pepsi Cola.

85. You will notice that this writer has forgotten some sentence structure and proper punctuation. These rules are important. I am aware of this weakness but I fail to do the hard work to improve. Try to do better.

86. Don’t mourn too much about the arrival of death at the doorstep of a loved one. This is especially true as it relates to older people who check out. It is part of life as much as birth. A respectful cry perhaps but that is enough. It also should be viewed as a graduation.

87. Learn the words of some good songs and hymns. How about “I’ll Get By” which became special for your Grandmother and me during World War II days. The “Battle Hymn of the Republic” is another good one.

88. Learn how to tell a story to small children.

88 1/2. Learn to cook. This is a second reminder.

89. There are plenty of words in this little book. Remember as Benjamin Franklin once said, “Good works beat good words”. Or he said something like that. Get it?

90. If you want to visit, don’t hesitate to call “collect” to your grandparents. They will be pleased.

91. Learn to tip properly. Don’t be cheap about it.

92. You might enjoy a little gambling. I do. Don’t ever gamble for more than you can afford to lose. Consider it paid entertainment.

93. Speaking of gambling, it would be well to learn something about the stock market which may or may not be considered a gamble. Also about farming and the growing of crops, plants, trees, vegetables, flowers, etc.

94. Take some time each day to thank the Lord and have a visit with him.

95. Ecology is important. Respect it.

96. Remember whereas this is written by someone who is four times older than you, he is by no means four times smarter. He believes however that principles and character traits cross generations in their constancy. He hopes you will be able to separate the meaningful from the trivial as you skip through life.

97. Faith-Hope-Charity. I have never been certain that Love is the greatest of the three, although you should be aware that this little book is bulging with it. Also Hope abounds midst these pages that you will have a wonderful life. And most important I hope you have Faith in God. All else pales in comparison. It is your cornerstone and rock for this life as well as the life to come. I have saved this comment for last since I think it is the most important. Too often students become “intellectually” agnostics forgetting Faith is faith. Cynics abound on the campus. Remember, Life as well as Death is a mystery. Faith gives some sense to it all. I hope you will find this true in YOUR life.

Peter B. Narey, 5/15/20-10/24/08

One of the people I most admired in this world died last night, my grandfather Pete. Many of you have heard me talk about Pete and how much he meant to me and the rest of our family. We will miss him very, very much.

Here is the obituary I just submitted to the Des Moines Register. It was strange to be writing an "article" about someone I love.

Peter Bergman Narey passed away Friday, Oct. 24, of congestive heart failure. Pete was born in Spirit Lake and died there surrounded by his family. A memorial service will be held Tuesday, October 28, at 11 a.m. at First Presbyterian Church in Spirit Lake (3501 Hill Avenue).

Pete will be missed dearly by the many people whose lives he touched in Spirit Lake and throughout the Midwest, as an attorney and an active member of the community. He attended Spirit Lake Community schools and accepted an Outstanding Alumni Award from the school system this fall. It was in the Spirit Lake schools that Pete met his wife Darleen in 1937.

Pete attended Coe College before he enrolled at the University of Iowa Law School and joined the Iowa ROTC. He interrupted his law school education to join the U.S. Army during World War II, where he served in the Infantry until he was tapped to join a select military intelligence team stationed in London, France and Germany. The mission, code-named Ultra, was charged with decoding Germany messages, and the project was ultimately credited for helping to lead to the Allied victory.

After the war, Pete served in the Pentagon before returning to the University of Iowa to complete his law degree in 1947. He married Darleen in July of that year, and they took a honeymoon cruise to Europe aboard the Queen Elizabeth. Upon their return to Spirit Lake, Pete embarked on a 40-year career of practicing law in his beloved hometown—including years of practice with his father until his death in 1962. Pete and Darleen raised two daughters, Nancy and Sally, and have been pillars of the community for 60 years. Pete served as Iowa’s 6th District Republican Chairman, President of the Spirit Lake School Board, the first President of the Spirit Lake Kiwanis Club, a member of the Masonic Temple, a volunteer for the Head Start Program, an active member of the First Presbyterian Church, a member of the American Bar Association and American College of Probate Lawyers, and a recipient of many awards, including Kiwanis Citizen of the Year. Pete and Sally were sworn in to the United States Supreme Court together in 1995, on his 75th birthday.

Pete is survived by his wife of 61 years, Darleen; two daughters, Nancy Wyatt and Sally Narey; three grandchildren, Sarah Elbert, Brian Wyatt and John Wyatt; and two great-grandchildren, Madeleine Elbert and Alex Wyatt. He was preceded in death by his parents, Harry and Esther Narey. Pete was 88.

Memorials can be sent to Gideon’s Bible Society or First Presbyterian Church in Spirit Lake.

An Afternoon with the Cronins at the (Most Overpriced) Scarecrow Festival/Orchard (Ever)!

Plus some fun times racing around an empty strip mall.

Elmo!!!!

Lilly has lent Madeleine her ticklish little friend (along with lots of wonderful books, blocks and clothes), and our moppet is clearly delighted with this addition to her toy chest.

(I love the ending, too ... :-) Classic.)

House Update, Part Whatever

I figured it was time for a few before and after photos. We're still waiting for our house to be painted, but much of the other work is done. Not all of it (we still have to paint and update our upstairs bathroom and paint the table in the kitchen, along with fixing some of the cracks from when the tree fell), but most of it. It's only been 4+ months, after all! I'm posting a before and after of our kitchen, which got a new floor and some new appliances. No, the tree didn't hit it, but that's what we got in exchange for doing some of the other work ourselves. As you can see, the kitchen floor is a rather bold choice, but I'm happy with it. I'm even already kind of used to the change. We decided to go for blue in Madeleine's room and had a ceiling fan/light fixture installed. And I'm putting a before and after of the upstairs, which has been done for more than a year, just for the heck of it because I hadn't yet and it's kind of dramatic. That's all thanks to Matt and his dad.

Anyway, hope you're all having a lovely week!